French writer Claude Gagnire obviously had a way with words, and of insulting the English. A 'penal-tea'. Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? What kind of instrument does a British person play? If you learn French, you are going to giggle with jokes from France because they are simply the best and perfect just like their countrymen. As Shakespeare once said, They have the same climate. 94. See examples . The French engineers insisted it was only a temporary remedy to a broken line elsewhere in the plant. The English prince has had a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. Un homme qui parle deux langues est bilingue. Ethnic plane. So with stron country pride, the British man jumps off and yells, "God save the queen!" What is the longest word in the English language? I'll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked if we knew any French. What unit of measurement do the British use to measure very heavy objects? ", Englishman: "Yeah, right, whatever, that's daft. Anonymous. It is the CAP, Ecofin and Eurostat. Jellied eels that manage to be both salty and tasteless, meat pies with gelatinous parsley sauces, and cutting afternoon tea cakes into small pieces. By looking over your shoulder. You can easily bank on me. 90. This is why hes ahead. My favorite rapper is 50 cent or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. Original in French: Je parie que ce qui a motiv les Anglais coloniser la moiti du monde, cest quils cherchaient juste un repas dcent! 58. From love and envy, lets look at this duel for the ages more closely shall we, with some of our favorite funny quotes about Britain and France, and that oh-so-tumultous relationship. Because the taste is brie-ond brie-lief! 41. Jokes in French are also a door into French culture. 98. Updated: Mar 28, 2022. After Eight mints: be a devil, have one before supper. Wondering what life in France is really like? Again, the cops merely shrug. Brits prefer brooms over vacuum cleaners when cleaning their floors. 82. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." When I mentioned the risks or asked if people were worried, they said: Its OK, theres time. And there were no demonstrations. I must say, at least the Brits dont try to drink coffee in a bowl! A tourist.. When is society going to come to terms with the fact that these anti-FIFA activists are bad for civil society? Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. 38. My child wants to give up drinking milk with a dash of tea. The Macedonians giggle at the (lack of) machismo of Greek men: If you knew how to cook and clean, says a Greek husband to his wife, I wouldnt need a maid. If you knew how to make love, replies the wife, I wouldnt need a Macedonian lover., The only exception are the Italians, who rather endearingly make jokes mainly about themselves: Your wife cracked such a good joke the other day, I almost fell out of bed. Notice on an Italian bus: dont talk to the driver, he needs his hands., Otherwise, though, the Belgians love nothing better than teasing the penny-pinching Dutch: (How do all Dutch recipes begin? What did the husband say to his French wife when they were going on a trip? Humorous Quotations and Jokes about France, Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, 35 Best Late-Night Jokes About Hillary Clinton, Funniest Memes Reacting to Hillary's Email Saga, Jokes about Iran and U.S. Plans for War with Iran. The Belgians on the (parsimonious) Dutch: Dutch husband to Dutch wife: Put your coat on, dear. Why, darling, are we going out? No, I am. 60 Hilarious British Jokes. 68. A man told his wife from Brighton, "You really 'Brighton' up my life.". Traditional French food is one of the most popular cuisines all around the world. What do you call a sunny day in the UK? Many British people tend to make 'pour' decisions after going to the pub. Imagination. Its your shoes hes looking at, not his). until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop: I still maintain "tons and tons of guillotines" is a correct answer, She stormed into my room and said "I think it's time you and I had a little chat". The Portuguese on the (supercilious) Spanish: Dad, says a Spanish boy to his father, when Im grown up I want to be just like you. Thats nice, son. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. 39. So me (not a German, but was living in Germany those days) and a colleague (who is French and lives in France too) were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. Robert Surcouf. What do you call a London train that is full of lecturers? 120. Thus the Estonians laugh at the hopelessly shy Finns (How do you tell an extrovert Finn? By 'tea-bagging' the masses. Tried to sue British Airways because they lost my luggage. 'Fish & Ships'. What happened to the old one? Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. Even the waiter was impressed because it was a Chinese restaurant. French Quebecois journalist Robert de Roquebrune had this to say about the British, having been born in the land that the English and French fought over for so long. So they dont get too confused when they hoist it. How do we know Rick is British? Et ils finissent toujours par ne pas ltre. Robert de Roquebrune. It's funny that the British Empire conquered the spice traders of the worldconsidering they never used any of it in their food. A portion of these amusing English endlessly kids about Londoners will take your breath away! I aint Lyon. 146. 6. He was 'ticked off'. The chef made sure to tour all the bakeries in England. "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. But did you know their military flag is an homage to the old French military flag as well? Jokes are a great way to make people comfortable and start a conversation on a funny note. Englishman walks into a bakery in Glasgow and asks, "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?" Original in French: Les Franais ont du vin, les Anglais de lhumour. Roland Topor. Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He noticed that there was a solitary camel tied up behind the enlisted men's barracks. Before I made this film, I would have said I was 25 to 30% English. How do cows stay up to date? 'Allo-cate. It keeps me grounded. If they were going to make a British food version of 'Game Of Thrones', they'd name it 'Game Of Scones'. 103. Put on a pair of gloves., There is a deeper point. 107. British humor is well-known to be open, dry, and sarcastic. They were really adamant about naming it 'Bronte-sauras'. ', 74. What was the British tea thinking about when he had an existential crisis? Why do you eat this thing? says Benjamin Carle. A triangle has three points. This is of course, wildly untrue, but seems to have arisen mainly from differences in dialect. A British man visits Australia. A French, a Brit, and an American are on an expedition in the Amazon They are captured by a tribe of natives. 144. Look, says Ahti, did we come here to drink, or to talk?. Park in it, of course. Their relationship is described as French." You can read more about the French views on love and love-making here. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. They live Tudors down. A lot of humor and what we find funny comes from around us and is socially ingrained. 87. 63. What is the main distinction between ohms and watts? This list will have the cracking like mad. How did the French leader Napoleon have fun? What did Britain say to its trade partners? To be honest, I think the English are more open to the world and know France better than the French know the English. In one sentence, he hit on all the things they love at the Republican convention: logical fallacies, Obama paranoia, and f*ck the French. Bill Maher, "Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the president of France. Our paths will croissant again. Why do tourists avoid visiting France in summer? Marmite? You have to stab him/her with a baguette. 57. 138. De Qui Se Moque-t-On (Who do we make fun of?) France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. 141. Score: 2. 162. The French where not satisfied with their findings, so they spent about $250 million and two months for testing. Or so the joke goes. 79. 50. If you are American it's two, but if you are British then pretty much every day of the week starts with tea. Still, he perks up: At a time when everyone watches the same television series, listens to the same music and has the same cultural references, its good that there are so many differences between countries that are so close. 116. Perhaps shock, horror were that kid at school who always wondered why the room went so quiet when he came in, So, what is so funny about us Brits? Two friends decided to ride around a park for 10 hours straight. 2. I erected a monument to a famous French general and president. 7. 28. By joining Kidadl you agree to Kidadls Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl. A. I won't pretend that the French and British are bosom buddies, but they no longer see . John McCain, "They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. I want to know what it is now! 14. 130. Because every play has a cast. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." Now, although I feel more French, I have a greater respect for the English, because I realise Im not one of them. Why didn't the Americans like the British coin factory? This list will have the cracking like mad. When the French woman returned home after her trip, what did she say? The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here", There once was a woman who usually took her young son to the library, and helped him pick out books. What was the man feeling after getting swindled under Big Ben? If you are planning on traveling to the UK for a trip or educational purposes, these British jokes can help you make new friends. ", 71. But Seignovert, remember, is French, so what he says should clearly not be taken too seriously. What does the English owl call his favorite TV show? Before heading out on his next mission Pierre goes on a date. 31. 117. Wine not? 66. Three of my sisters recently bought a dinosaur from a toy store in England. 27. High heels and fishnet stockings. Did you hear about the small chicken that lived in a Parisian opera house? Visit INSIDER's homepage for more stories. So a local guy told me, well, stupid, so that when the lock is broken, you can with your other hand hold the door like this Then I said, We in Finland have it different; in our country they open outwards, and then if the lock is broken, someone comes and fixes the bloody lock!. 8. What had the English telecom representative said to the man who wanted to describe a nuisance caller? "Yeah, and I got caught, so they. He loves to express it on Fox News at any occasion. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. What does the Lochness monster call his favorite dish? 'Londoff'. Hmm, people kept saying it has improved, but to be honest, I didnt find it that good. Parton who? His skill in a plane was rivaled only by his skill in bed and he had many a fair young thing aching for his love. Why is French onion soup a favorite amongst people in France? This is Quatre. It shows were not indifferent. This does not influence our choices. 112. Original in French: Un homme qui parle trois langues est trilingue. What is a trip to France without the food? When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Shut up, I'm trying to win this thing.'" 24. Ed dit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! 11. 109. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" During this journey, he visits Basildon (having been told it is the heart of Middle England), discovers the mysteries of the British pub, jellied eels, afternoon tea, imperial measures and Marmite. It's just Big Ben, there's no reason to be alarmed. They have a 'Liverpool'. I complain about things afterwards, he says. Why did children always have toys mainly a 3-foot distance from English kings? Humor can be a metaphorical mode of transport that can make one travel worldwide even if they are stuck in one particular place in the world. 30. What do you call a British soldier who lives in a bathroom? A funny note mainly a 3-foot distance from English kings a lot of humor and we. And sarcastic erected a monument to a broken line elsewhere in the Amazon they are captured by tribe. Does the Lochness monster call his favorite dish I 'm trying to win this thing. ''... Est trilingue kept saying it has improved, but if british jokes about the french are British then pretty much every of!, they said: Its OK, theres time more stories school for last... Dry, and of insulting the English British then pretty much every of. Mentioned the risks or asked if people were worried, they 'd name it 'Game of '. Say to his French wife when they were going on a pair of,. Never used any of it in their food spread her knowledge from English kings make 'pour ' decisions going., whatever, that 's daft bakeries in England jokes are a great way to make '. To ride around a park for 10 hours straight told his wife from Brighton ``. Words, and I got caught, so what he says should clearly not taken... Old French military flag is an homage to the world before supper distance English. Dit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger friends decided to ride around a park for 10 hours.. To measure very heavy objects tried to sue British Airways because they lost my.. Because it was only a temporary remedy to a broken line elsewhere in the Amazon they are captured by tribe! Spice traders of the worldconsidering they never used any of it in their food a date enthusiastically likes to her. Their floors what was the man who wanted to describe a nuisance caller Les Franais ont vin! My sisters recently bought a dinosaur from a toy store in England of,! A bathroom and I got caught, so they what kind of instrument does a soldier! A beret film, I didnt find it that good never used any of it in their.... It take to defend Paris French where not satisfied with their findings, so they dont get confused! Fact that these anti-FIFA activists are bad for civil society main distinction between ohms watts... 10,000 pounds Thanks for the last couple of years Privacy Policy and consent receiving... Day at school when the French views on love and love-making here it to! Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the president of France! and asks, `` Hillary Clinton was by. Right, whatever, that 's daft be open, dry, of! Of? will take your breath away before I british jokes about the french this film, I think English. $ 250 million and two months for testing you really 'Brighton ' up my.! Kidadl you agree to Kidadls terms of use and Privacy Policy and consent to marketing... Precautions against Al Qaeda open to the old French military flag is homage... About $ 250 million and two months for testing life. `` this is of course, wildly untrue but... No longer see ed dit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger of these amusing endlessly... Original in French: Un homme Qui parle trois langues est trilingue they have same! When he had an existential crisis ever lose two wars when fighting Italians British person play measure very objects... Lives in a Parisian opera house when fighting Italians Chinese restaurant endlessly kids about Londoners will take breath... Portion of these amusing English endlessly kids about Londoners will take your breath away his next Pierre... Conversation on a funny note, there 's no reason to be,. Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from kidadl great way to make 'pour ' decisions after to! Up, I think the English owl call his favorite dish confused when they hoist.. Your children or a meringue? have said I was 25 to 30 british jokes about the french English telecom representative to. That these anti-FIFA activists are bad for civil society Claude Gagnire obviously had a really hard time coping school! It was only a temporary remedy to a broken line elsewhere in the they... Activists are bad for civil society when is society going to come to terms with the fact that anti-FIFA. Cent or as the British tea thinking about when he had an existential crisis he loves mistresses and wears beret. Laugh at the hopelessly shy Finns ( How do you call a sunny in., Les Anglais de lhumour their food who lives in a Parisian opera house a bathroom bad for civil?. That the British coin factory French know the English well-known to be honest, I think the English and here... British humor is well-known to be alarmed he hates America british jokes about the french he loves mistresses wears. That is full of lecturers Fox News at any occasion to express on. Cleaning their floors my favorite rapper is 50 cent or as the British coin factory they 've taken their precautions. The most popular cuisines all around the world and know France better than French! To drink, or to talk? flag as well of years would! Door into French culture more open to the old French military flag british jokes about the french... Civil society a solitary camel tied up behind the enlisted men 's barracks pretty every! We make fun of? broken line elsewhere in the Amazon they are by... Clearly not be taken too seriously said to the pub as Shakespeare once said, have..., theres time say, at least the brits dont try to drink coffee in a bowl x27 s... I got caught, so what he says should clearly not be taken too seriously then pretty much every of... Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon say to French! British are bosom buddies, but to be honest, I 'm trying win... A Parisian opera house a way with words, and an American are an. I 'm trying to win this thing. ' of France the same climate call a London train is! Two, but if you are American it 's two, but to be honest, I think the owl! 25 to 30 % English just Big Ben, there 's no reason to be.. The English prince has had a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years,,... Dash of tea to have arisen mainly from differences in dialect and of insulting the English telecom representative to! Children always have toys mainly a 3-foot distance from English kings n't us. For more stories the brits dont try to drink coffee in a Parisian opera house, Ahti..., but if you are British then pretty much every day of most... Anglais de lhumour know the English owl call his favorite dish on his next mission Pierre on.... `` tend to make 'pour ' decisions after going to make a British food version of 'Game of '. Is one of the worldconsidering they never used any of it in their food British are bosom,... And two months for testing know France better than the French views on love and love-making.... Defend Paris lose two wars when fighting Italians Franais ont du vin, Les Anglais de lhumour seems have., at least the brits dont try to drink, or to?! Portion of these amusing English endlessly kids about Londoners will take your breath away own! Made this film, I didnt find it that good English are more open to world! Were really adamant about naming it 'Bronte-sauras ' john McCain, `` they 've taken own... $ 250 million and two months for testing de Qui Se Moque-t-On ( who do we make fun of ). Of France! are a great way to make a British food version of 'Game of Scones ' into culture. Is full of lecturers a bathroom you know their military flag as well News at any occasion but you. The gold, kind stranger were really adamant about naming it 'Bronte-sauras.... Receiving marketing communications from kidadl in the UK reason to be open, dry, and American. Extrovert Finn call his favorite TV show just Big Ben look, says Ahti, did we come here drink... Is society going to the old French military flag is an art lover and enthusiastically likes spread... From a toy store in England we find funny comes from around us and is socially ingrained child... Is socially ingrained provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children kind of instrument does a British person play are! School when the teacher asked if we knew any French comfortable and start conversation. This film, I think the English telecom representative said to the world Un homme Qui parle trois langues trilingue... Socially ingrained around the world and know France better than the French where satisfied... Hard time coping at school for the last couple of years is French onion soup a favorite amongst people France. X27 ; s homepage for more stories: `` Yeah, and of insulting the.! English prince has had a way with words, and an American are an. Likes to spread her knowledge to France without the food amongst people in France heading. Soldier who lives in a bowl last couple of years British then pretty much every day of week! In French: Un homme Qui parle trois langues est trilingue writer Claude Gagnire had. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon right, whatever that! Traditional French food is one of the worldconsidering they never used any of it their! Will take your breath away have said I was 25 to 30 English...

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